the asshole and the awesoul

None of us is purely good or purely evil. It is impractical for a person to believe that she is either black or white. We are all different shades of gray. And based on the circumstances and situations of life and the way we deal with them, our shade gets either darker or lighter.

It’s not fair to put pressure on us to be always good. Yes, there needs to be a healthy inclination towards goodness and being virtuous. But we will face times when it gets challenging to be as good as we want. We need to avoid the ‘nice’ trap and make sure that we do what aligns with us the best.

As we do things that are right for us, there’s a chance that we may be perceived as assholes by others. On the other hand, we may make sacrifices and participate in acts of martyrdom not honoring our true desires and be perceived as an awesoul by others, but deep down we know we are filled with regret.

We may also engage in actions and behaviors that we know are wrong and don’t align with us, and we may end up perceiving ourselves and blaming ourselves for being an asshole.

There’s also the case when we know we are living the life of an awesoul but no matter what we do or how generously and compassionately we act, there will be someone out there who will always believe that we are an asshole in disguise of a saint — a wolf in a sheep’s clothing.

The oscillation between being an asshole and awesoul is never-ending. We need to embrace the dynamics of asshole and awesoul behaviors and the fact that these labels are entirely based on perceptions and opinions.

Embracing awesoulness feels good for ourselves and others but we may not exude this positiveness and happiness all the time. We need to detach from the pressure we put on ourselves to be good.

We have the potential to both uplift ourselves or sabotage ourselves, and with effective habits and disciplines we can navigate our energies towards building our character, and a better future for us. But we can’t turn a blind eye to the potential for darkness in us.

We can strive to become the lightest shade of gray and inspire others to come to our side of spectrum. To become pure and white is fooling ourselves, and we need to let go of this notion..

The truth is we will say things and do things that will hurt other people and us. We will face situations that may feed our darkness and we may face challenging times when the goodness in us will be tried and tested. We may stumble. Our goal needs to be to embrace our assholeness as we embrace our awesoulness. We are humans and we all have imperfections and vices. We need to devote our lives to the noble pursuit of goodness and virtuousness, but it will be naive for us to believe that the darkness inside us is gone.

We can suppress it but we will never get rid of it and that’s the truth. But that gives us a good reason to renew our commitment to stick to the path of philosophy and self-education every day.

We need to walk a fine line and cultivate a healthy sense of detachment from both our awesoul and asshole selves. There’s no point in clinging to one side of ourselves because it will only stop us from living a life of authenticity and vulnerability.