mastering the uncontrollable: the stoic path to peace and purpose
“Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our actions. The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others.”
― Epictetus, Enchiridion, 1.1-2
In Stoicism, one of the most profound and empowering principles is the ability to distinguish between what we can control and what we cannot. This practice lies at the very heart of Stoic philosophy and provides the foundation for resilience, wisdom, and inner peace. By recognizing and accepting the boundaries of our influence, we free ourselves from frustration, anxiety, and wasted effort. Conversely, when we fail to make this distinction, we risk becoming ensnared in futile struggles that drain our energy and rob us of the ability to act effectively in the areas where we do have power.
Consider the everyday frustrations we encounter—delayed flights, difficult colleagues, bad weather. A business trip postponed by a snowstorm is beyond our control; no amount of anger, wishing, or shouting will clear the skies. Accepting this reality allows us to conserve our energy for actions we can take—rescheduling the meeting, finding an alternative way to connect, or using the extra time productively. However, if we allow ourselves to fume and fret, we not only worsen our emotional state, but also waste precious time that could be better spent elsewhere.
The inability to change certain aspects of life extends beyond minor inconveniences. It can be seen in deeper, more personal experiences—such as the family we were born into, our physical appearance, or the job we are currently stuck in. These are immovable objects in the present moment, shaped by the past or circumstances out of our control. Yet many people remain trapped in bitterness, ruminating endlessly on how they wish things were different, rather than focusing on what they can influence in the present.
Stoicism reminds us that railing against these immovable aspects of life is a losing battle. Time spent hurling ourselves at them is time taken away from the things we can change—our thoughts, our actions, our responses to events. If we can discipline our minds to focus on what is within our control, we can begin to reshape our future in ways that truly matter.
The value of this insight is perhaps most clearly seen in the lives of those who have faced difficult and often tragic circumstances—convicts, addicts, and former gang members. They cannot undo the mistakes and crimes they committed in the past. No amount of regret or guilt will erase the harm they have caused to others or to themselves. However, the Stoic teaching reminds us that the future is not bound by the past. What they can control is their behavior in the present moment—the decisions they make now, and the commitment they have to turning their lives around. Epictetus, a Stoic philosopher who was himself a former slave, emphasized this point: while we cannot always change our circumstances, we always retain control over the choices we make in response to them.
The same is true for each of us. The essence of Stoicism is not just about accepting what we cannot change; it is also about acting with clarity and purpose in the areas where we do have control. By learning to discern what is within our influence, we can direct our energy towards productive action, rather than fruitless frustration. Whether it’s cultivating better habits, improving our relationships, or pursuing meaningful work, we possess the ability to shape our future by the decisions we make in the present.
In a world where many people are trapped in battles they cannot win—complaining about circumstances they cannot alter, or agonizing over past decisions they cannot undo—those who practice Stoicism have a distinct advantage. By focusing on what is within their control, they avoid the emotional turmoil that comes from chasing the impossible. They are also better positioned to seize the opportunities that do arise, because they are not weighed down by futile struggles.
Ultimately, Stoicism teaches us that real freedom comes from within. It is not about changing the world to fit our desires, but about changing our mindset to align with reality. When we accept what we cannot control and take responsibility for what we can, we unlock the power to live with purpose, resilience, and inner peace.
